wat bout pragnant strippers??
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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