Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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