Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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