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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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