No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
