You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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