I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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