Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My life is pants optional.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
