I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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