What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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