Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
