if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
