dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
