Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize