well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
