I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
