after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
