if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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