I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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