if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
