We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
