My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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