on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
