You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
