Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
