I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
