Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize