hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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