i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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