You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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