You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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