Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
