When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
