why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
