I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
