Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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