of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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