Sponge bath it is.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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