K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
