Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
