I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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