Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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