Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
