low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
