i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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