That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
