Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My vagina just clenched in fear
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
