My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
