And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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