It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
