Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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