I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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