I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
