Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
