I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't deserve a penis
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
