just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
