Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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