"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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