AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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