Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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