Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
