I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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